We are excited to host

Adaya Adler


Profile Details

Adaya (pronounced uh-DEE-uh) Adler has been a member of the Chicago Kink Community for about 14 years. She is very new to presenting on a national level but ran a monthly peer-learning group for the intersection of kink and feminism and presented on topics from The Feminism of Submission to The Workplace Dominatrix – Using Kink Concepts to get Ahead at Work. She founded the Switches, Spankos, Undecided, and other Miscellaneous group for the combined Galleria Domain 2 & LRA Kink Community Roundtables. Adaya’s presentation interests tends toward the mental, emotional, spiritual, political, and psychological aspects of kink and sometimes its intersection with the real world. Her current project is to create a toxic relationship recovery community specifically for people in the swing, kink, and polyamorous community.

Who will be presenting:

Recognizing and Responding to Verbal Abuse

Class Description


*This class is on Yourtube!*

Notoriously hard to detect, verbal abuse is usually the first sign of trouble in a relationship or community, and according to many survivors, it also creates the greatest and most lasting damage. Learning how to recognize and respond to verbal abuse is the first, essential step in toxic-relationship-proofing your life, your kink, and your community. In this class, we will discuss:

•    Myths about abusers and abuse
•    The benefits of abuse for abusers
•    The characteristics of verbal abuse
•    Recognizing the 13 verbally abusive techniques
•    Your Relationship Bill of Rights
•    Responding to verbal abuse
•    Resources and further readings

It doesn’t matter when this relationship occurred or who the person was to you.  It could have been a parental figure from childhood, your current nesting relationship, or the owner of the local kink club, whoever they are or were to you, learning to recognize these abusive techniques will help you in creating better relationships in the future.  

While there is a healthy and robust mainstream toxic relationship recovery community, oftentimes the already-marginalized members of our community can be further alienated by common misunderstandings of our lifestyle and identities.  To support THRIVE’s mission in helping to create safe and healthy kink spaces, it is very important to have accurate AND culturally relevant information about what is abuse and what is not in kink and non-monogamous context.  From discerning verbal abuse from humiliation play, to defining cheating within a polyamorous community, this class will look holistically at the complexities of abuse in a shame-free, non-othering perspective. 

Support Adaya/Thrive

Thank you for your interest and your support of THRIVE! Because THRIVE is 100% free and not accepting donations, we ask that you pay it forward by donating to our speakers. 

Adaya Adler accepts support by donating to her Paypal ( 
If you enjoyed Adaya, you can follow her on Fetlife (@Adaya) or on Facebook (Adaya Adler).

If you would like to support THRIVE’s efforts, consider picking up THRIVE swag at